The bludgeon of sexuality
Sex and sexuality are topics I love to discuss, mainly because they both intrigue me on many levels. Personally I am omnisexual, liking who I like, not fearing my attraction to whoever the other person may be. I also define myself as a situational polyamourist, as in if my partner was happy with an open relationship with multiple others then that is cool with me, otherwise I am content with monogamy. In many respects I am live an let live when it comes to other people’s personal expression of sex and sexuality, as frankly it has nothing to do with me. In my eyes each person is free to like who they like, and find comfort in their own ideas of what it is to be attracted to another person.
It is for this reason that I detest the idea that sexuality should be used to bludgeon another person, to find a reason to condemn just because they happen to find another person attractive/unattractive. This concept is so utterly alien to me, though life has given me plenty of experiences where I could legitimately gripe at another person’s sexuality due to the way they have treated me.
As a trans woman it is inevitable that some people will have an issue with my gender when it comes to their own predefined idea of what their personal attractions are, and while some may call this sexist, cissist, or plain old misogyny, I prefer to flip those ideas on their head and look at it through my own eyes. There are plenty of people who find me attractive who I would never wish to hold hands with, let alone sleep with, so do they condemn me for not liking them? No. Therefore, why should I condemn someone for not wishing to sleep with me/kiss me/hold my hand because they have an issue with my gender? Is it right to rail against their own innate personal preferences?
Is it a case these people see me as a man become a woman? More than likely. Is that something that I should hide? Never. Is it an attitude that I should be angry and upset over? Upset maybe (it does sting when someone rejects you for this reason), but why should I be angry? They are being honest, genuine, and upfront with me, and why should I bludgeon them with anger over their personal expression of their sexuality? In the end we both miss out on a moment (or more), but there are always other people out there who I can click with and make moments with,
Call me a pragmatist, but raging about someone else’s sexuality is not something I want to waste my time or energy doing. There are plenty of people whose personal sexual expression meshes with who, and what, I am, so why be bitter about the ones who slip away? Trying to change someone’s sexuality is a fruitless task, indeed such techniques have been discredited by mainstream psychiatrists.
Ultimately when someone knocks me back there are many potential reasons, and my gender expression is just one of them. I always try to be phlegmatic about it all. Come what may there are people out there who I click with, so why worry about the ones who get away? They don’t change me, and I don’t change them. Cest la vie.
